What is a “friend”?
I’ve been pondering this question a lot lately. I’ve had groups of friends from high school, college, internships, and jobs. Obviously some are closer than others and it’s led me to think…how do people categorize their friends? What exactly is a friend?
I feel like being a friend to someone requires certain things.. That there is an unwritten “job description” when it comes to friendships that some people choose to follow and some people completely disregard.
For starters, I’ve always been a believer of two-way roads. I don’t care if it is a friend, a family member, or a signifcant other, the relationship WILL NOT work if one person is doing all the work. This is a legitimate pet peeve of mine. It shouldn’t be up to one person to always make the plans or to always do the talking.
Quite frankly, what these people are saying is that they do not care. If you don’t care about our friendship, why should I? You’re not some celebrity I’m following around. You
are were my friend.
Another bullet point on the job description of friendship? Um, I don’t know… talking? sharing news? I’m not okay with texting someone who I consider a good friend and want to catch up with and getting a response like, “Oh, I’m good. Keeping busy. You?” I will not respond to messages like that because that wasn’t a valid answer. Everyone is busy, ok? This is the United States of America.
Oh hey, I know this is 2012 and everything but DO NOT “tell” your friends important updates in your life by a general status update. Let all of your best friends and family know through a text or phone call that you are pregnant, engaged, got a new job, etc. I’ve had this happen to me so many times and my friends will tell me, “Oh it was just easier to tell everyone all at once.” Yes, it is easier. And so is no longer being your friend. See ya.
I recently had breakfast with one of my good guy friends from college and he told me how it really bothers him when his “friends” happen to be in the area that he currently lives, they know he lives there, and don’t even bother to let him know. I feel ya on that one. 100 %
Another thing that bothers me is when a “friend” bails on you 80% of the time. It’s always a new excuse. Something came up, they have a sudden urgent appointment for no reason, someone better offered to hang out with them, blah, blah.. seriously, if you don’t want to hang out, JUST TELL ME AND SAVE ME THE TIME AND EXCITEMENT.
Speaking of, don’t act like your friends are a burden. Seriously. “Oh, um, I have something to do and then something else to do later. How about we get lunch from 1230-145?” Excuse me? I’m not an appointment and I won’t tolerate being treated like one. Respect is all I’m asking for.
I don’t know about you, but when I think about my eh-friends, my good friends, and my best friends, I always think about my wedding. I’ll be getting married in the next couple years so something that is on my mind a lot is my wedding. Who will we invite? Who will my bridesmaids be? Maid-of-Honor?
Here’s how I break it down:
My maid-of-honor is going to be the person that I absolutely 100% cannot live without. She’s always there for me no matter what time of day, doesn’t bail, doesn’t judge, and I’d do anything for her in return. My bridesmaids will be the girls that are my best friends. These are the ones that I would trust with any secret, the ones I share good news with, bad news with, the ones that I can count on. All of my other friends will be invited to my wedding. And the people who aren’t invited? Those are the ones I consider acquaintences. The people I’ve met and even talk to on a daily basis but don’t necessarily delve deep into my life story with me. I was just telling Adam today that I think a good rule for our wedding too should be no one is invited who doesn’t know both of us. All of my good friends and close family members have met him and same goes for his side. Why would we invite distant relatives or long-lost friends to our wedding who we have to explain how we met, who we are, what we plan to do with our lives, and so on.? That’s not the point of a wedding. The point is to have those we love most and those that love us celebrate the day with us and be excited because they know how much we’ve been through.
I’m constantly changing my future wedding party around and bumping people from my bridesmaids list. Especially lately. It may seem silly to some, but to me, that is really the true judge of how much a person means to me. Friends are a big deal. I don’t take these things lightly (as you can see) and I want to be sure that the people I’m surrounded with are genuine. If we’ve recently stopped talking and you’re just finishing up reading this post, maybe you can see why we’re not friends anymore?
If we’re not friends to begin with and you are currently doing some of these things to your friends, quit the habits soon, or the friends will quit you. Guaranteed.
That’s all my rambling for today. Thought this was going to be a short post but it turns out I had more to say. What else is new….