Unless you’ve had to plan a wedding, you probably haven’t put too much thought into the topic of “plus ones,” but since we are in the midst of this wedding madness/bliss, I’ve realized it’s quite a big topic to tackle. One of the first things Adam and I did for the wedding after getting engaged and setting the date was making a rough draft of our guest list. We did this on our 10-hour drive home from Asheville, North Carolina, where one of my best friend’s destination weddings was held (we had a lot of time on our hands).
Although the guest list seemed like a fun thing to get started, it was actually a little stressful. My list consisted of my friends and their significant others, family and significant others, etc. Adam had a similar list for his side, but he had added a “plus one” or a guest for most of his friends. We got in an argument as I explained to him that everyone on our lists was not getting a “plus one” because that would severely increase our guest count. That isn’t even the main reason.
The main reason I don’t like the idea of “plus ones” is because people find someone to bring to the wedding. Could be a friend, a cousin, a brother/sister or could be someone they’re causally dating. But the main point is, this person is random. The “plus one” wasn’t on the guest list themselves because we don’t know them and/or they aren’t in our lives.
I’ve said from the very beginning of this process, that no one will be invited to the wedding that hasn’t met Adam AND me. Weddings, to me, shouldn’t be about introductions, “how long have you two been together,” and “how did you meet.” I want everyone there to know our story, know US, and be there to celebrate our love together.
These “plus ones” don’t know us, they don’t know our story, and they are just there for free food and alcohol. (most of the time.)
Now, of course I’m not saying our friends have to be married or engaged to get an additional person invited. If anyone has a significant other for maybe more than 6 months at the time of invitations mail-out, that probably qualifies. Also, special privileges would be given to those in the wedding party and our siblings.
I’ve been hurt by this before as well. One of my cousins got married a few years ago and invited me on a card with my family. At the time, Adam and I had been together for two and a half years so I was confused when his name wasn’t included. I asked her politely if he was invited to the wedding and she told me that unfortunately he was not because she was working with a budget and couldn’t have him. -_-
This hurt because 1.) we had been together for so long already and my family knew this wasn’t a flavor-of-the-week type thing. He was the real deal and we’d be together for the long haul. 2.) None of the other cousins had significant others at the time so it wasn’t like “Oh, well if we invite him, we’ll have to invite 12 more people too.” He was literally one person.
To this day, I’m sad he wasn’t there to celebrate the wedding with me and my family. That’s why this whole topic is such a “conundrum.” A lot of thought goes into every piece of a wedding and like I said, until you plan one, you probably have no idea.
Anyone have any advice and/or horror stories on this topic? I’d love to hear it all!